Hello and welcome back to the wonderful world of the Dogpound. I am pretty proud of myself right now; I have managed to lose...

Hello and welcome back to the wonderful world of the Dogpound. I am pretty proud of myself right now; I have managed to lose some weight and keep it off …at least till winter comes back around. For now, I will enjoy my slimmer looks. Along with the thinner lines I have been able to find some clothes in my closet that I can wear again without feeling like I have a boa constrictor around my middle. However, despite the new wardrobe, I discovered that there can be some drawbacks to losing weight. The other day I grabbed a pair of shorts I have not worn for a year, and headed to the local grocery store. As I walked the aisles, my nice fitting shorts started to slide downward. I discovered that, when I add a billfold, keys, cell phone and some loose change, I no longer have the girth to keep the pants in place. So here I am in the grocery store…every few steps pulling my shorts back up, trying to avoid an announcement over the intercom speaker: “Attention…Attention…we have a pants-down situation in aisle three.” I finally had to put my arm down across my hip to hold the pants in place and proceeded to shop one-handed. I will have to be honest with you…I wasted no time pushing the cart to the car. I was wide-stepping by the time I got there, but I avoided any “Kodak moments.”

“Patience is the companion of wisdom.” – Saint Augustine

A mangy-looking guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: “No way. I don’t think you can pay for it. The guy says, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?” The bartender says, “Only if what you show me ain’t risque.” “Deal!” says the guy, and he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the bar, across the room and up the piano, then he jumps on the keyboard and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good. The bartender says, “You’re right. I’ve never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano.” The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. “Money or another miracle, else no drink,” says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says, “It’s a deal.” He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar. The bartender says to the guy, “Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy.” “Not so,” says the guy. “The hamster is also a ventriloquist.”

That is a wrap. As always, be good, do good, play safe and remember to keep a belt handy…just in case.

JR and Max