Hello and welcome to the thrilling world of the Dogpound. I lost my Internet connection recently. It was a factor in my thrilling week....

Hello and welcome to the thrilling world of the Dogpound.

I lost my Internet connection recently. It was a factor in my thrilling week. The nice folks on the other side of the phone promised me that a tech would be at my house sometime between 12:30 and 4:30 p.m. They are supposed to call when they finish up their last job, so you have time to make sure you are home to let them into the house. It was par for the course: they did not call me, and the only way I even knew they were at the house was that I got a call from my repair guy, who happened to be performing a few chores for me. His first words: “I had to cut some trees down.” Me: “What?” Him: “The tech guy was at the house and determined that it was not an equipment issue, but a line of sight problem, which required the removal of a few small trees along the roadway.” That evening, after weeding my small garden, I figured I would burn some of the brush from the cuttings. I knew they were very green, but the rains were due to come in the next day, and I kind of wanted to get a first burn on them before they became wet and green. I got the gasoline tank and spread the fluid liberally around the pile since I needed a good hot fire. I respect gasoline, so I made my usual small trail out from the brush pile, extended my right arm out as far as I could and clicked the propane lighter. “Click, click. Swoosh!” A ball of flame, a wave of heat, and almost all of the hair on my right arm was gone in a flash…literally! Instant sunburn up my arm. Lots of cold water and a liberal application of first aid spray reduced the tingling sensation, and I am happy to report no lasting damage. My guardian angel was doing overtime again.

“Accidents will happen no matter how careful a man may be.”
— Dogpound Wisdom [That is my story, and I am sticking with it.]

President Donald Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun. A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts, “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would-be assassin, and he is captured. Later, the Secret Service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the heck made you shout, ‘Mickey Mouse?’” Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout, “Donald, duck!”

An old couple was sitting in church, and the wife noticed that people were staring at her. She leaned across to her husband and whispered, “I’ve just let go a silent fart. What do you think I should do?” He said, “I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid.”

That is all I have for today. As always, be good, do good, play safe, and remember: accidents do happen, just try to make sure you are not one of them.

– JR