Hello and welcome back to the wonderful world of the Dogpound. My dental insurance provides for two free annual cleanings, but they are not...

Hello and welcome back to the wonderful world of the Dogpound. My dental insurance provides for two free annual cleanings, but they are not really free. The last one cost me over $200 because they had to update my x-ray chart, and, of course, I wanted the fluoride treatment.

I actually dread going for my cleaning. Why? I dread the question, as they poke around my teeth, “Have you been flossing?” I tell her I do floss, but that is really kind of a white lie, since I hate flossing. I cannot get into all the areas, and I am deadly afraid of getting the string caught in my teeth. It actually happened one time. I use those handy little pics made of plastic that have a piece of floss attached to them, and one day it got caught under one of caps. I was afraid if I pulled too hard my cap will come off, so there I stand with this plastic floss pic sticking out of my mouth. And if you think that is a strange image, try to imagine me using my fingernail clippers to cut the string to free myself. Anyway, I got the 60-second lecture about how my gums are soft and I need to do a better job, and then comes the question, “Why don’t you use a waterpik?”

I have, but I can never really got the hang of it. I wound up shooting water up my nose, down my throat enough to make it feel like I was drowning. If I made a YouTube video of my efforts, I am sure I would get a million hits overnight. I am not seeking that kind of popularity.

The dental hygienist said she had the same problems, but said they now have the kind you can use in the shower; water will go everywhere, and it will not matter since you are already wet. I bought one off the Internet, and it does solve the water everywhere problem, but that is not end of my ordeal. This unit has three settings, normal, soft and pulse. I have to use the soft setting for obvious reasons. The soft-touch tab buttons are located on the back of the unit. This means that if I am not careful, I will hit one of the other buttons, especially the “pulse” one, and suddenly my gums feel like they are getting hit with a hammer. If I was not awake before that, I certainly wake up quickly!

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Life is short, so smile while you still have teeth.” — Dogpound Wisdom

GROWING OLD

*You know you are getting old when they put an air bag in your walker.

*You know you are old when they discontinue your blood type.

*You know you are getting old when your insurance company sends you only a half of a calendar.

* You had cataracts removed, a hip replacement, and new hearing aids; now your kids are telling you that with a few more updates they are going to sell you on eBay.

*The older I get, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.”

OK, enough of the old-age stuff; too depressing. As always, be good, do good, play safe, and remember: growing older is better than the alternative.

–JR