Got to be real

Cheryl Lynn released “Got to Be Real” in 1978. In 1979 it became number one on the R&B chart and in 2005 the song was inducted into the Dance Music Hall of Fame.

The opening to Cheryl’s song is “What you find, what you feel, what you know, to be real.”

Is being real really that simple? Is there no baseline for real? If this is true how does one enter into a real relationship?

I see “real” as a term that is often used when we like to make an excuse for our bad behavior.

Politicians use the term “real” so often that you just automatically know it is an antonym for lie.

When a man says “baby I am being real: my lady and I are not working out that is why I want to be with someone like you.”

When questioned about his reality his response normally is: the kids, the finances, and my favorite “it’s cheaper to keep her.” I even had one dude to tell me that he could not leave because his nephew, nieces, goddaughter, aunt, and uncle would be disappointed. Wow, what a stretch.

Since I am divorced, I do understand that everyone takes a financial hit. Yet, I wonder if men knew how expensive it is to have a “side piece” or are they thinking they will get a BOGO (buy one get one free)?

Ladies, our reality can be somewhat misconstrued, too. We decline men based on their ability to pay for our inability to keep our finances in check, regardless of whether we cannot stand the sight of them. We overlook their moral character and we do not attempt to build a friendship before we exchange bodily fluids.

Many point to Jackie O’s relationship with Aristotle because she got paid, but she was miserable with Aristotle, and she had a husband and brother-in-law that were assassinated.

In the Coco Chanel movie, for me, the most memorable line was when she told “Boy” (tycoon) that she must have her own before she could enter into a relationship. “Boy” financed Chanel’s first shops and the rest is history. Her reality was to have her own. Therefore, what she got from “Boy” was a true friendship and mutual respect.

Coco was real, for real.

One of my single girlfriends was dating a single man with a home and multiple vehicles. Her expectation of him, financially, was not so real. She has the same responsibilities less the multiple vehicles as he, but, she thought that he should be her financier. Since he could not take on the label of financier, she labeled him as cheap and cannot continue the relationship.

One of my friends was fortunate to marry someone that has protected her from financial ruin (her day of looking for “Mr. Big Stuff” has happily concluded). What a fairytale ending or is it?

Are you real or delusional?  Are you living a fairytale or are you dealing with your reality. What is your reality? Share your story at


Maybe I'm missing the big

Maybe I'm missing the big picture but I feel like Coco Chanel with "Boy" and a woman who seeks a man for financial reasons aren't that different. Coco just seemed bold and upfront whereas the other woman plays the relationship role to get what she wants.
Being "real" is definitely an excuse for people to get away with saying or doing what they want.
Another great read!

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