Max and cupcakes

Welcome back to more government oversight in the Dogpound community.   A scene not so far in the future…a fourth grade school birthday party is being held for little Jimmy.  Teacher, “Kids, we have a special treat today.  Today is Jimmy’s birthday and his mother has brought us something special to share with the class.”  Jimmy’s mom, “Hi kids, we want you to share in Jimmy’s birthday, so I brought you all iced birthday cupcakes.”  “Wait!” screams the teacher, as she pushes the kids from the plate of cupcakes.  Mom, “What are you doing??”  Teacher, as she tosses the goodies into the trash can, “Didn’t you get the notice that we only allow nutritional food on school grounds these days, and cupcakes, as defined by the government, surely do not qualify, unless you made them with our approved black bean recipe.” Mom just stood there with a stun look on her face along with all of the disappointed faces of the young fourth graders as they eyed the trash can that was the recent recipient of their birthday cupcakes.  Finally Mom was able to stutter, “So what do we do for birthday parties now?  No cake, no cupcakes, no ice cream…what are we to do?”  “No problem.” The Teacher responded as she reached into her big brief case pulling out a big bag of carrots.  “Per Government guidelines we have to always have an emergency pack of approved nutritional food nearby and notice that by cutting a small hole in the side of the carrot you have the perfect place to place a birthday candle.”  The teacher hands a lit carrot to Jimmy and leads the fourth graders in a semi-joyous round of Happy Birthday.  So, by now you are thinking this is just a fairy story, but not so. School officials in Greeley, Colorado, have advised parents that all sweets are banned unless made by district approved recipes.  The school officials say that new federal guidelines require all food that is served on grade school campuses must adhere to strict calorie counts and this includes fund raisers, food booths at sporting events,  and birthday parties.  Officials at the schools think the parents are over reacting by calling them “Food Nazis” and they will eventually respond positively to these new guidelines.  One official told our Dogpound reporter, “We do not understand the big deal.  For example, what is wrong in serving boiled eggs and cress-water salad at a kid’s birthday party?”  

We will stop now and let you ponder the question…”what is the big deal?”  As always be good, play safe and remember that the government cannot do everything for you no matter how hard they try to do so.  

JR and Max


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