Hello and welcome back to the legal world of the Dogpound. I kind of keep an eye out for lawsuits…not mine of course...but those that make you roll your eyes when you read about them. Some recent ones; In Dallas at a Cowboys Blue and Silver scrimmage, a woman suffered burns when she sat down on a black marble bench that was not protected from the sunlight…she claims that there were no warning signs warning her that the bench could be hot…well duh. Also Anheuser –Bush can breathe easier, a Texas Appeals court confirmed the dismissal of a lawsuit that alleged the long-neck design of their long-necked beer bottles made it too attractive for assailants seeking a weapon. Then, last but not least, Denise Barton has filed a billion dollar-plus lawsuit against the city for installing “smart” parking meters which are generating wireless signals that (according to Denise) are causing her serious health concerns (California of course).
With that in mind I was thinking, what would happen if you put fairy tales into today’s legal environment?
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
Mr. Dumpty filed a major lawsuit in the royal court today against the King, claiming there were no warning signs alerting wall-sitters that they could face a great fall. Also lacking were sufficient safety equipment...like seat belts, safety hand-bars and a foam rubber floor. A secondary lawsuit is in the works against the employees of the king…the suit claims all of the king’s men could not put Humpty back together again.
Pigs versus the Big Bad Wolf
The three little pigs filed a lawsuit today, but not against the big Bad Wolf…they are suing the farmer that sold them the straw and sticks that were destroyed by the wolf. They claim the farmer did not adequately warn them that such structural materials would not stand up to stiff winds…like a huffing and puffing wolf. If they had known, they would have built their houses out of cement blocks and avoided the cost of having to rebuild their houses.
Goldilocks and the Three Bears
The Bears are suing the lovely Goldilocks for defamation of character, because she told all the papers and talk shows about how the Three Bears kept a poor household; porridge that was not served at proper temperatures, shoddy furniture that breaks and beds that were not suitable to sleep in. Because of these claims the Bears almost had their little one taken from them by the Teddy Bear Endangerment Organization. We have also just learned that Goldilocks is bringing a countersuit claiming that the porridge made her sick and the little chair that broke injured her back, and she must now wear a brace. Case is set for early next year.
I think I have made my case…so to speak. As always be good, play safe, and remember lawyers need a job too.
JR and Max