By M.A. Fuller, Reiki Practitioner & Stress Management Coach
How to mark your borders to be your best self.
I nearly cried the day my two-and-a-half year old handed me my cell phone and said, “Here mama, boss.” While obviously my boss is not a cell phone, he wasn’t too far off.
I had allowed my work to dominate my home life by being available via phone, e-mail, and text 100 percent of the time.
Thinking it was clever multitasking; I’d aimlessly chip away at the hundreds of e-mails left in my inbox after 5 p.m. while at the same time trying to entertain my son. And guess who got one hundred percent of me? No one.
It was in that moment his sincere observation made me realize: I had no boundaries. But it wasn’t too late, and it is never too late. Boundaries are important not just in the workplace but at home, with friends, lovers, neighbors, and even family. By setting healthy boundaries, you will set yourself free from burden, over-extension, guilt, and stress.
Many people are not sure where to get started, so here are some things to help get you thinking about what you would like your boundaries to be.
1) Define your happiest self, and draw the lines anywhere you could be compromised.
Take a quiet moment and imagine yourself on an average day at your happiest. What did it take to get you there? Maybe you woke up without an alarm, made breakfast from scratch, listened to an audiobook or podcast on the way to work instead of the news, and greeted your colleagues at work instead of hustling to your station to start answering e-mails…
Now, think about what obstacles or perceived “obligations” could derail this happy train. Draw the line you are unwilling to cross before someone else tries to highjack your day.
2) Be clear, polite, and optimistic.
When you know what boundaries you want to put in place, don’t think you have to be rigid, rude, or negative to get your point across. When it came to my after-hours cell phone overload, I politely spoke with my colleagues and explained how important family time is to me and that I would not be available to answer emails after 5 p.m. If there was an emergency, they could call, but otherwise I will be back online at 9 a.m. No one argued, my boss did not threaten to fire me, and quite frankly nothing changed other than our family’s level of happiness.
3) Don’t bend.
People will push your boundaries to see where you will bend, and you must stay strong because your health and happiness is most important. When you give in, the floodgates will open and you will be back at square one.
4) Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
The moment you feel the burdens lift when boundaries are set, you will want to create more. Remember, there is nothing cold or damaging when you let others know what you need to be happy. In fact, less than a month after I set some major boundaries at work, I was promoted! People may push those boundaries, but when you stick to them they will respect you even more.
May you know what walls to build and do so with grace to experience the best you.
