Hello and welcome back to the wonderful world of the Dogpound. As I have related over the past few articles, things in my small section of the Dogpound have been rather disjointed and it appears the trend is not going to end very soon. I was mowing the lawn last week with my riding mower down by the pond. I try to get as close to the edge as possible since the slopes have to be hand mowed or weed whacked…both very difficult to do around the pond, so I wanted to get as much grass cut as I could with the mower. Well, as you may have guessed, I got a bit too close and got stuck in a big divot. First I thought I could push the mower out of the hole. I disengaged the gears and tried to rock and roll my way out of the hole. I would almost make it to the top, but the blade shield would catch on the hump and back down in the hole we would go. I should point out that with the gears disengaged, not only does it allow the mower to be pushed; it also means that the front wheels are now subject to the pull of gravity, and in this situation gravity is down and toward the pond. Yikes! So with one hand I grab the back of the mower and dig in my heels, while with my other hand I struggle to reach the steering wheel so I can turn the wheels away from the pond. Mission accomplished but my situation has deteriorated proportionally…I am even closer to the water’s edge. OK, time for a new strategy. Instead of pushing I thought maybe I could inch the mower back up the hill. I would lift the front end and move it a few inches up the grade, then go to the rear and move it a few inches as well. Repeat a number of times and I was finally out of the hole…so to speak. I guess those gym workouts finally came in handy but it did nothing for my hemorrhoids. Oh yes, I forgot to mention, among other things, I got my first hemorrhoid. Not sure how or why, but I did get one. I made at appointment with my doctor just to make sure. He hands me a paper apron and tells me to drop my pants, cover up, and he would check things out. He steps out of the office while I disrobe and get ready for his return. Now there I am, all alone, wrapped in a flimsy paper robe…leaning on the exam table waiting on the doctors return…when I feel some pressure building. Oh no…not gas! What to do? When the doctor leaves the exam room, he might be gone a few minutes or ten minutes…fortunately he returned before I tried to hide my gas in the far corner of the office and pretend nothing happened. Anyway, the doc takes a quick look and says…and I quote, “Yep, you have a pimple of a hemorrhoid.” A pimple? That must be a new medical term for golf ball sized!
That is all I got for now, and I need to get up and stretch. As always, be good, do good, play safe, and remember to watch where you are driving.
JR
