Hello and welcome back to the wonderful world of the Dogpound.
My birthday week is coming up, and I have the next few weekends tied up with travel plans. So, to speed things up and take the pressure off, I am going to skip right to the funnies. Enjoy, and we will catch up next week.
SMILES
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night, the 96-year-old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”
The 94-year-old yells back, “I don’t know, I’ll come up and see.” She starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells, “Was I going up the stairs or coming down?”
The 92-year-old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”
A blonde’s dog goes missing and she is frantic.
Her husband says, “Why don’t you put an ad in the paper?”
She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
“What did you put in the paper?” he asks.
“Here boy!” she replies.
A friend told the blonde: “Christmas is on a Friday this year.” The blonde then said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”
Overheard at the airport security station
•Father: “This is my third try to get through the metal detector. I have emptied everything out of my pockets.” The little boy who was with him, looked up at his dad. “You workout at the gym. Maybe it’s your buns of steel?”
•I love my country … it is just the government that I am not too thrilled about.
•Everything happens for a reason…sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and make bad decisions. [Amen to that!]
•I don’t approve of political jokes … I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
•I have finally reached my wonder years.
Wonder where my car is parked,
Wonder where I left my phone,
Wonder where my glasses are,
Wonder what day it is.
•A teenager told a friend that he was going to move up north to continue his drum lessons.
“Sounds expensive,” his friend said.
“Oh, my grandparents chipped in and most of the neighbors did too.”
•Opportunity knocked on my door one time. But by the time I unlocked the chain, pushed back the bolt, turned two locks and shut off the burglar alarm, it was gone.
NOW A WORD TO THE WISE
A boss of a company in China gave his employees a New Year’s Eve bonus. It was money, and he sent it through WeChat, a Chinese app where people can send money and chat.
The boss was nervous about people using their phones during work and used the money as a way to find out who uses their electronics on the clock. The gift was for about $9 U.S. It was sent during work hours as a Trojan horse — and three employees fell for it. Whoever opened the app to accept the money was fined $76 for slacking off.
I think that is enough grins to hold you for a week. As always, be good, do good, play safe, and remember, humor is good for the soul.
– JR
