Hello and welcome back to strange new world of the Dogpound. If the virus bug has not gotten you yet (and we pray that it never enters your house), then you must have gone buggy by now with all the 24-7 news about the virus. You cannot turn on the radio or television or even look at your emails without virus this and virus that. With that being said, let’s jump ahead as to what our near future might look like. There was that terrible sound, the “whoop! whoop” followed by the red and blue lights flashing in my rear view mirror. “Oh man! Now what?!” I pull over in the next parking lot, push the down button on the window, and lean over to open the glove box. While I searched for my registration, I could hear the police officer’s footsteps approaching the car; I snagged the papers, sat back up and stuck the papers out the window to the ….? Where was the officer? I looked down, and there he was; on one knee, spray painting a line on the ground. “What are you doing officer?” I asked. He straightened up, brushed the dirt off his pant knee, tipped his hat back a tad with his forefinger, smiled, and in a factual speaking voice said,” Six-foot social distance.” Me, “Oh, I get it …the Chinese virus thing…right?” He nods and grabs my paperwork with his gloved hand. While he is studying my paperwork, I have a chance to study him. “Uh officer. I don’t recognize your uniform…green and red… what group are you with?” Without looking up he says, “I am with the newly created Coronavirus enforcement squad…CES.” “Oh…really…well, I guess that explains those strange little projections sticking up off your labels.” “Yes sir.” the officer replies. “Modeled right after the virus itself.” The officer hands back my paperwork. “So, why are you out on the road today? You do know there is state lock-down in place?” “Yes sir, I am just going to the pharmacy.” Officer, “Please show me your prescription.” Me, “I gave it to the pharmacy to fill. I don’t have a copy.” The officer peered into the window as far as he could without crossing the white line, “You don’t look sick.” Me, “It is just blood pressure medicine. You can’t tell by looking at someone.” “Humph!” He snorts, as he draws back from the window. “So, if I follow you to this ‘pharmacy’, is that all you are going to get, your meds.?” Me, “Well, now that you mentioned it, I do have to pick up a few groceries.” I could see him stand up a little bit taller, as I mentally kicked myself in the head. “Let’s see your grocery list.” Me “Well, I really don’t have a list…my wife just told me to pick up a few things like eggs, bread and milk.” Officer, “I think we may have a problem here.” Me, “What…wait…my wife sent me a list by text.” I grabbed my phone, clicked the text messages and showed the officer. “Here look.” Officer, “Was it notarized? You could have typed that text.” Me, under my breath, “Really? This Chinese virus is going to be the death of me one way or the other.” The officer seeing that I was about ready to cry offered to let me go with just a warning. My nerves had finally settled down when there was that awful sound again. Without looking up I pleaded, “I just left a CES officer. Give me a break!” “Sorry son, I am not with them…I am with the PCPC. The Politically Correct Police Corp.” Me, “Really? What did I do?” “The CES reported that you called the Coronavirus a ‘Chinese’ virus. That is a PC violation, and I will have to write you up. License and registration please.”
Got to run…out of space. Be safe!
-JR
